An Easy A

It's a phrase you've heard before right? I guess we've all head it at some point in time. A's are typically hard to come by and the result of lots and lots of hard work. The "Easy A" that I speak of today however isn't so much academic as it is relational.

Most of us are looking for the same things in life as we wander and pass through. It's a connection of the human kind that we long for, even those who claim to not like people. In this ever present search we look for that special someone be it a girlfriend/boyfriend possibly leading to marriage or maybe a simple companion that offers us friendship. Whichever the case the same boundaries should apply. Before the looking process begins we must first be compelled to look within as ask this most basic question of ourselves. Am I looking for "A" person in my life or "The" person for my life?

In my experience the "A" person is much easier to find, take up with, and even run away with because the standard is much lower, thus causing there to be very little resistance. The greater and thereby more rewarding effort is finding "The" person, nope it's no the easiest way and it shouldn't be either. It is however the most reliable and best for you. The easier and quicker you get into a relationship the quicker you will get out of it. The right person and the right relationship takes time to develop and always begins with you being the right person first, or rather being the type of person that you yourself are looking to find.

Stop looking for simply "A" person, I promise you they're a dime a dozen with not a nickle's difference between the lot. Focus first on becoming the person God would have you to be, and then wait for "The" one, not just an Easy A.

As I see it through my lens.

pk

Forced Captive or Willing Participant?

This morning I was reading from the beginning of Matthew's Gospel in the 6th chapter  I was really impacted on how corrupted my views of sin are sometimes, namely mine. The headings in the chapter in the text I read are listed in order, Giving to the Needy, Prayer, Fasting, Treasures in Heaven, Do Not Worry, and then I roll up on chapter 7 to see Judging Others. Whereas this may not be convicting to anyone else it hit me pretty hard. As I read and pondered I began to ask myself the same question over and over as I approached each sub-chapter, "How are you doing with this"?

The first paragraph isn't so much about giving to others in need as it is about blowing your own horn and demanding recognition for doing so when you do give or help. How many times do we either brag subtly of our so called "good works" or even more to allow others to do that when both parties know full well anything good that we ever do is by the Fathers hand and not our own. When I pray do I pray like Jesus teaches me here or do I pray in a manner that draws attention to myself, even when I'm alone? My problems, my wants, my desires, my needs, My, My, My. When I Fast, if I Fast, do I want the world to know? Where is it exactly that I keep my treasures? What do I allow my eyes to view? How many masters do I serve? It was at this point that I began to wonder, am I struggling in these areas because I've been somehow taken into captivity by an outside force? Did the enemy sneak into my camp during the middle of the night to snatch me up and carry me away, it's prisoner now for ever more? Well it's a good story but that's really all it is, isn't it. Sin never  sneaks up on a Believer, it's us who typically walk willingly into it's camp, white flag of surrender waving boldly in our own hands and say, "I give up and I give in" put the chains on my legs and let me then whine about all of the problems in my life.

We must break this cycle of returning to the same place over and over and seeking to blame someone else or even God for our short comings and slips. If we do not, things will never get better and we will never grow up. The Believer really doesn't have the option of becoming Peter Pan who sought to live in Never Never Land because it just doesn't exist.

Just My Views,

pk

How Different is Enough?

As you may or may not know I Pastor this incredible church in High Point NC called The Journey. It's a really cool place where a lot really wonderful people gather to serve and Worship and reach out to others who don't have relationships like that. We've been established now for a little over 5 years and one of the things that we've sought to be, as well as told people we are, is you guessed it, Different. There was a time a few short years ago that I really thought that I knew what that meant however today I'm honestly not so sure.The term "Different" by itself is clearly ambiguous at best, I mean how do you define it? How do we even know what different is in the first place? Is it different from all the rest, or just different from where you came from last? How do we know that this particular brand of different is even different enough? To me it's become like trying to measure air with a ruler or tape measure. I think I've got the right tools to work with however it's the results of the measurement that I seem to be having a little trouble with.

If I remember correctly, our hopes in the beginning were that we could reach out to people where they were at that very moment in their lives without asking them to change who they were on our account all for the sake of developing a relationship with Jesus and possibly connecting with others who were seeking the same things. Sounds like a good enough plan right? Now I'm not suggesting that we didn't do that or that those goals were not accomplished, or that peoples lives have not been changed by the power of the Gospel because I know full well that's happened to many, many, people because their lives are well, different than they were before. My concerns are based on the questions of, are we still different, is it enough, is our brand of different even relevant anymore? Sometimes in our quest to be something that others are not we can lose who we actually are and what our place and purpose is in the first place. Trending publications and organizations seem to constantly be churning out the newest and best things and of why what you did yesterday won't work today because this new group isn't like the last and won't respond. That dynamic makes it very difficult to decide on what to do next, thus making it nearly impossible to quantify your results. Therefore I believe it's not really about being "different" or "trendy" at all, I think it's about what it was in the beginning, building relationships with people in order to earn the opportunity to share the greatest Relationship with them that a person could ever have.

Just My View,

pk

Long Range Goals and Kentucky Windage

All long range shooters be they Military or just simple pleasure shooters understand the term "Kentucky Windage". If this is your first time hearing the term let me clarify what it means.Snipers or hunters all have basically the same goal in mind as they prepare to hit a pre-determined target. In many cases this target can be from 100 to 1000 yards away, thus making it a "long range goal". The shooter looks through their scope to focus on something very small that is a very long way off and seeks to place an even smaller object (the bullet) in the exact spot they intend it to be. Outside forces such as Wind greatly effect the success of this and will always present the greatest challenge to being on target. There are other factors too like starting with the right tools, being the right place at the right time, spin drift, studying and being prepared to the best of your ability, however you can do all of those things and still have a blowing outside force move you off target and all of your planning and efforts will miss their mark.

Experienced shooters pay very close attention to the current direction of the wind and know they must move into it in order to hit their long range target or goal. If they make no compensation for the outside force of the Wind, there is virtually no chance of success. The trick is to anticipate how much to move one way or the other, this is typically much harder to do that it sounds and will only happen with practice, practice, practice. Failure is one of life's greatest teachers because it's a live way to keep records of what works and what doesn't.

I am coming to learn that as my focus sharpens on different long range goals the need for dramatic and immediate compensation has become an absolute must. Being Called into a particular area of service is the beginning, being in the right place at the right time is the secondary step, having the right team of like minded people who share the long range goal, fundamentally crucial. The right tools certainly are required however knowing how and when to "move into the wind" in order to make the shot, or rather reach the targeted goal is what is so necessary for the simple and undeniable fact that outside forces are always prevalent and working against you. As I am seeking to grow and mature I am faced with the realization that I am the hindrance in many cases and solely responsible for missing the target due to a number of factors, with a lack of adjustment being paramount. Making small corrections along the way and not fearing change is truly the only logical path to take if you are going to be big picture minded and laser focused on reaching the intended target. Along the path I have found that the good always competes with the best and the best is what God always provides and it's within that scope that He and He alone provides vision, short or long range. He never does anything half-way, or uncommitted, nor does He intend for us to either. Sometimes we play around, half-hearted with vision or goals with a tiny secret thought of plausible denibility in mind so that when the goal is not met we can quickly point out to those around us that it wasn't my fault, or someone else made a bad decision, or didn't follow through, when all the time we know as do the others that we failed to compensate or adjust.

Leadership is not about being right all the time because no one is, leadership is however about leading people to reach a goal or target and actually having those people arrive with you when it's achieved. That's being On Target! How's your aim?

If you could only go back now................

What if you could some how look into the future and see what would be if you continued along the same path you're on right now as it relates to the relationships in your life? What if you could use a virtual tool that would let you see what would have been the outcome if you would have only made a different decision at the time or maybe just tried a little harder? As a Pastor I've had the opportunity to speak to many people from all walks of life about all kinds of issues in their lives and what I've come to  learn is that the worst of all emotions is regret. We look back with deep hurtful feelings and ask ourselves, what if?

What if I would have just tried one more time? What if I would have just stopped that behavior when he or she needed me too? What if I would have been just a little more concerned about others as opposed to making everything about me, and having things my way? What if I would taken the initiative to apologize first or even at all just one time? What if I had not gone with him or her that night? What if I would have just gone home when I knew I should have? What if I would have simply asked for help from the dozens of people who were trying to give it to me? What if I would have sat down with him or her and owned who I was and what I had done and asked them to forgive me? What if I would have been honest and done the right thing?

The "what if's" can go on forever and ever without end can't they? As I made the list I couldn't help but see many of my own mistakes woven within the words that I have written, possibly you did also. The real question comes down to this, if you had it to do all over again, what would you do differently knowing what you know now? I think it's the greatest rear view question any of us could possibly ask ourselves. I have developed a graph of sorts that if you will apply a little heart and vision you could ask yourself that very question now before you have to look at the past for the answer. The graph asks the question based on a timeline that works like a sliding scale. Look at your current situation and then in your mind slide the scale to the right and allow your situation to overlay the future situation several months from now and ask yourself honestly, if I continue the way I'm going right now, in the months to follow where will this end?

   (      Now     )                              (     Then     )

      01    02   03   04   05   06   07    08    09    10   11   12

Sliding Time Line Life Scale

When you look at this sliding scale can you envision the future? How does it look to you right now based on the information that you have to work with? If you can just look into the future just a little bit and then turn around and look back, do you see yourself asking any of those questions  that began with What if? Now's the time to do it.

Looking to the Future.................. 

Scene Stealing

What is it with the mindset that says; something's going on and it appears that I'm not the center of attention therefore I must create some drama in order for me to have my moment in the spotlight? What causes this reaction or behavior? Is it that something from long ago in our past wasn't completed, or maybe it's that someone didn't or doesn't pay enough attention to us and we feel we must go "get it" on our own. You know the scene right? It's a family function like Thanksgiving, Christmas, or perhaps a birthday and the one I speak of seems to always be about 30 minutes late, blows in like Madonna on the red carpet with some crazy story of how busy and important their life is and right in the midst of the performance they slow down long enough to notice that you've already started eating which causes an awful reaction thus causing the pouting sulky face for the remainder of the day.

Every family's got one, some two or three, and age really makes no difference, young or old. If as you're reading this you cannot not imagine who this is in your family, it may very well be you. I've seen it pop up at funerals, weddings, or just plain every day Sunday Worship services. People who are not completely invested or involved suddenly find themselves in a group of those who are and instantly decide to make the moment about themselves in order to shine a little light, problem is, it's typically in the wrong direction.

Scene Stealing can also be done with the classic absentee ballot. This is where they decide that there's no chance the moment will be about them while they're present so the bigger splash can be obtained by simply not showing up. Surely I'll be noticed then. Why yes you will, again light shined in the wrong direction, in not out. I love the new song SMS [Shine] by the Dave Crowder Band, it's wonderful and tells a strong story of what we should be seeking to do with our time, our talents, and our abilities. What if we could stop focusing on ourselves for just a moment and shine our light on others?

Looking in my own mirror.................

Adjusting to Loss, it's not the same.......

Just recently I lost my mother to cancer which was diagnosed in October of 2010, it's such a surreal thought that something could move that fast yet at the same time I'm certain it was in her body for much longer. The last few weeks have been comprised of many new experiences for me and I'm trying to make the adjustments but some days that's just not working. Helping people through similar experiences is what I do as a pastor but I have to be honest here, it's not the same. It seemed that as she was actually dying that my experience of past situations would be a good thing because I knew what to expect, or at least anticipate what would happen next.What I learned is that knowing about things doesn't actually prepare you for them when it's on a personal level, it's not the same. My hope is that it makes me a better pastor and allows me to help others on a deeper level but I fear deep inside it may not because it's not the same. What I know to be true is that in a time like this when others who have walked the same path before say words like, "I know just how this feels" or "I've been there and I understand", you're not as comforted as you, or they, might think because it's just not the same.

The relationship with my mom wasn't always easy or even sweet, in fact some of the time it was caustic and difficult, however over the last 25 years I've tried to honor her by doing my best to love and care for her as she walked her own hurting path. I've watched others do this with dignity and respect and I wanted to do that as well but it's not the same. There were many times that she depended upon me to help her make life changing decisions that would effect the outcome and I thought I was doing so in her best interest because she trusted me for that, but it's not the same. In the last moments of her life as she was suffering and struggling to draw in her last few breaths I told her to relax and let go, soon she would be safe and secure in the arms of Jesus and would suffer no more. In retrospect it's hard to know if it was she, or I, that I was trying to comfort as I felt so caught between being her son and her pastor, it's not the same.

What I hold onto now, and am learning to live with, is the fact that she today lives in a much better place, one that I myself long for when I cross the same bridge. My heart is so full from the love and support of my family, especially my wife Leslie who loved and cared for my mother as if she were her own, regardless of the fact that in the early days of our lives together mom rejected her because she knew this "girl" would be the one to take her baby boy (as she often called me) away from her. Our church was so incredible as it poured itself into caring for us as a whole and handling every detail. I was reminded once again that I am blessed with not just a fantastic Associate Pastor (Bruce Crews) but a sweet dear friend who may be somewhat short on experience, but long on love and devotion and it made all the difference. Accepting care and love is something that I've watched others do and even tried to extend it myself in those times of loss and grief but when it's you it's not the same. There is an overwhelming difference between "caring for" and "being cared for" and I'm so humbled by this love because I've learned first hand, it's not the same.